Thought of the day

I have decided to continue writing sporadically about things that matter to me, mostly because I feel writing is the only thing that comes naturally to me, I do not have to over exert any efforts for it. This does not mean I think I am an exceptional writer and will be some hotshot author someday. It just means I want to go back to being an open book because it is so much more easier to be that than to bottle up thoughts and emotions that burst out in the most oddly negative ways later on.

I have always been a keen observer of people and their behaviors. I really miss my days of studying Psychology because it was one of those passions of mine that I lost to the lust of worldly aspirations. I stopped pursuing it because I did not want to end up in a dark office listening to people's sad stories because I myself had numerous problems of my own and did not know how to deal with them. I though since I am unable to help myself, I will surely be unable to help someone else. I now think I was wrong in thinking that. I am learning now that helping others helps ourselves. Even if I dedicate half an hour listening to someone talk about their problems, it makes a great difference to them, especially if the person telling the problems is a female. Us females have a deep and innate need to be heard because we think too much, most of which is unnecessary as it is, but we cannot stop because we are programmed to think unnecessarily and then let it out. If we mess with this natural order we end up in disorder ourselves and most of the times it starts showing on our faces or body language. Even the best of actresses will have trouble trying to hide her real self.

So why does this matter to me today? Because I am noticing sudden and rapid changes in my life, along with the realization that the life I dreamt about as a young girl is nowhere near to reality. That does not mean I am not content and happy with the real life. It just means that sometimes it takes me a little bit longer to adjust in the frame of reality and stop comparing it to the frame in my head. I like to think this is normal for us women too because then it makes it easier to accept reality. It is also one of the reasons I am writing-to organize my own thought process and start synergizing practicality, reality, and thoughts. I do not want to stop dreaming, but I have learnt to see dreams that are nearer to reality and easier to materialize.

Some might call it that we eventually give up on our dreams and settle and find an escape so we do not have to worry about what we do not have, and try to feel false contentment. I call it trying to reach spiritual nirvana. Fortunes are material but feeling fortunate is not. A world class vacation will make me feel rich and important, but I will only feel fortunate when I am surrounded by loved ones and see my reflection in their eyes.