It amazes me that in a time and age when maturity hits people at a very early age, it still takes a lot of time and experience to understand some things in life. The cliched dialogue of every parent that, "you won't understand this until you become a parent yourself" is proving to be a hundred and ten percent true as life keeps unfolding, and at every next step of this life I find myself looking behind at my mom and dad, smiling and waving at me, the look in their eyes telling me that I was their pride and joy, and will continue to be so...that they hate to let me go in the vicious waves of destiny...that they still want to protect me in their feathers, and I can turn back whenever I want, hide, and stay warm till all of life's storms pass by and the sun shines again. But the law of nature does not let this happen. No matter how much I resist my growing age, and the circumstances surrounding me, I have no choice but to be an adult and stand in the face of these storms with nothing shielding me, no one as my aide but my own intuition, judgement, and inexperienced self.
I now realize that my first role in this world will always be as a daughter. I was born to my parents as the apple of their eye, as their little doll, and they loved me for who I was, with all my imperfections. It is a simple thing to say but if one realizes the depth of these words, it is any daughter's reality. I am a daughter first, and then a sister, wife, mother. Maybe that is why I still have moments of wanting to hide in my dad's arms, or lie in my mom's lap, just the thought of it makes my tribulations seem so much trivial.
Life is moving on too quickly, and I have already almost lost my dad to it. How I wish we had more time to spend with each other! The way he protected me, he was my knight in shining armor. His laughter, his jokes, even our serious discussions, I miss everything about him. I am glad he gave me the strength he carried, of being happy even during down time, and holding on to spirituality to prevent getting lost in the quicksand of trials. I miss him, and I pray that even if he forgets everything, he would still remember that I am his princess, the love of his life, his only daughter who is now so lonely without his presence.
And now to mention my mom...I lack words to express what she means to me except that she is the greatest treasure in my life. Pride and joy are the only words I feel strongly when I think about her because she is exactly that. Her strength is what makes each day a little less harsher...her smile makes every day a bit more radiant. I always joked with my dad that he being so tall, how did he find my mom in a busy crowd because she is so short in height. But her height is no measure to the vastness of her soul. She is an ocean of unlimited and unconditional love, warmth, and strength that Allah Taala packaged neatly in such a small stature. I pray to have even half of her strength and grace only so I can live up to her name.
Yes, life has been the worst of all teachers, and I have tried to be an A grader even though I fail miserably at times, but my two cheatsheets aka my parents are the reason I am still taking this exam, because everyday now makes me realize I am a daughter first, and everything else comes next.
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