What month is this?

When time flies by, when time stops. When disorientation defies diffusion of dreams.
When what's real is invisible.
When what's solid becomes weightless.
When words become noise.
When intentions become actions. When hearts morph into stones.
When dust becomes bones.
When meanings get lost in translation. When everything is nothing.

Humsafar

Woh humsafar tha
Magar ussay humnawayi na thee

K dhoop chaon
K dhoop chaon ka alam raha
Judayi na thee

Woh humsafar tha
Woh humsafar tha

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Adawatain theen, tawaful tha, ranjishain theen magar,

Adawatain theen, tawaful tha, ranjishain theen magar

Bicharnay walay main sab kuch tha, magar bewafayi na thee.

Yeh Raaz

Yeh raaz-e-bahaar-e-gulshan hai,
Iss raaz ko samjhe kyun koi,
Phoolon ko rulaya shabnam nai,
Ya raat ko shabnam khud roi.

Calling All Angels

It's been way too long to even go back down memory lane and try to grasp even an inch of the feeling of how exasperating and whatever I felt when I used to write.

All I want to do is light myself on fire and feel it consume every cell in my body and every remaining type of feeling in me. I want to see myself burn and I want to set the mound of synthetic materials I live in into flames too. I want to ignite everyone and everything and every feeling and watch it crumble into ashes and the wind blow it away into nothingness.

I am nothing. God, life, people, and circumstances have all made me realize I am nothing. I don't exist by own will, I don't control anything that happens to me, I don't control any other person or thing, and I don't un-exist at my own will either.

I wish I was a tree; or the wind; or a leaf. Anything ethereal but a person. I want to take off this apparel of feelings and worldliness off me and throw it in an ocean of fire.

I feel defeated but the truth is I was never even part of this war. I didn't start it, I'm not even the protagonist. Yet the effects of this war and the war scars and wounds have affected me the most. I feel robbed and marred. I feel homeless and insecure and uncertain beyond reality.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere. I want to lose myself. Lose the weight off and of my skin, brain, heart, and bones. I feel so tired with all this weight on me. I want to sleep but not die. I want to smile but not laugh. I want to be alone and untouched. I want to lift all burdens off everyone that is associated with me regarding me. I want to be nameless and faceless.