Today

I don't want to write in my diary,

About these days that I am living.
I don't want to remember these dreary
Moments of silence and shame.

Words play in my head
Urging me to pen them
I push back thoughts and memories
I have had enough with pages filled with ink, stained with tears.

I have no complaints, no regrets, no one to avenge;
Not even my fate or my own self.
Every day I give myself a pep-talk to start anew
Every night I retire to bed breaking down in gloom.

Shadows mock me, lights scare me
Black is my heart, full of nothing.
I'm numb and I don't hurt anymore yet it doesn't feel good.
If happiness is absence of sorrow why am I not smiling?

Reasons fail me, compassion gets on my nerves,
Trust shames me, love is something I don't feel anymore.
Even the most enormous rocks break down in high seas I know
But today I'm unbroken and feeling nothing nomore.